apathy puppeteers again

I woke up today, full of emotions - not the overwhelming vala full but the 'pet bhar gaya hai' vala full. That's right - I've been consuming emotions since the last time this apathy took over my emotional steering wheel - which it often does, once in every two months or so.

Let me a little more explicit and literal before being poetic about it. Upon waking up today - all pains felt unconcerning. The feeling of instant wakefulness grabbed a hold of me and made me sit upright - which hasn't happend in a long time and naturally I felt this surge of astonishment and happiness arise - but in that moment I knew - my hunger was satisfied and why I wasn't able to taste that happiness and astonishment.

This happens in every couple of months or so - whatever I feel overtime, imbibes into my personality and then one day I wake up with my stomach full and unable to eat anymore.

Self monitoring has only taken me to this extent of self consciousness. Let's see which way apathy steers me.