lately, life

22/05

I've been practising composure. I think I've finally made peace with some blatant facts about myself. Number one being that, living with chronic pain and suffering without a cause won't get me anywhere. Trust me, as funny as it sounds I did and still somewhat am, a slave to this unusual thought. A little bit of introspection and lots of talking to friends about it has led me to believe that for a guy like me, life looks and feels really tough to sail through. I'm sometimes unable to hold back tears when I think about how right and obvious this observation is. And most importantly how long it took for me to realise it. 

While going back to my obsessive habit - being utterly and uncontrollably problem oriented rather than being solution oriented - here's my analysis of the probelm...

I presume that I've been a compulsive liar for most of the days I've consciously tried living through. Compulsive to an extent that it's become tough for me to discern between what's real and what's not. Who's actually me and who's not.

I realise that this just may be a coping mechanism - which comes back to haunt me every now and then. 

14/06

I feel like this is a pretty big change - I haven't been taking any pictures since the past month and I've got no clue why. I'm used to being a junkie for photographs on most days but even going an exciting trip couldn't phase me this time. This being a recent observation hasn't allowed me to ponder over it yet, will jot it down as soon as I come up with something.